The perfect intervention strategy does not exist. We can expect failures, setbacks, and disappointments, even as Jesus did. Sometimes the intervention takes more time than we first anticipated. The fact that a few individuals are unable to see their way toward reconciliation should not surprise us. When someone has hurt us deeply, forgiveness does not come easily, even when we know it is the heavenly Father’s will.
It isn’t uncommon for people who are trying to find their way out of conflict to consider occupying the turf that lies somewhere in between all-out war and full reconciliation. This is an almost offer of forgiveness, but not quite. It can sound something like this: “I’ll forgive you, but . . .” or “You’re forgiven, as long as . . .”
Do you recognize a condition being attached? It places the burden of responsibility on someone else. It is forgiveness with a rider attached. And the rider is a backdoor attempt to gain leverage and secure a more advantageous position. The war isn’t over. It only looks that way. The appearance that peace has been restored is little more than a charade.
One of the riders we frequently attach to our forgiveness sets limits on the number of times that we have to put up with another person’s assaults. The apostle Peter once asked Jesus where the ceiling on our forgiveness should be placed. “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21,22).
Jesus’ response was straightforward: “Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Jesus’ point was that there is no limit to the number of times we are to forgive. His answer is consistent with his Father’s limitless forgiveness policy toward us. How often have you and I appeared before the Father’s throne, seeking forgiveness for a sin we have committed again and again?
Another rider some of us try to attach to our forgiveness is a left-handed kind of forgiveness that is first given, then taken back. “I’ll forgive you, but I won’t ever forget what you’ve done to me.” It’s a scorecard approach to forgiveness. The tactic is an attempt to reserve your right to withdraw forgiveness if the offender ever offends you again.
Steve Spiriak was struggling with this temptation. He was not sure yet if he just didn’t trust Pastor Teschendorf or if he preferred to have an extra pound of flesh as payback for all the trouble he had been through. It is one thing to be wary in order to protect yourself and your family. It is another thing to keep sins dangling over someone’s head like a sword of Damocles so that you can manipulate the individual.
A peacemaker will remind others that real forgiveness is completely unconditional. Of course, only God knows what is going on in hearts. But we can encourage those who are caught up in conflict to do some serious soul-searching to find out if their expressions of forgiveness are genuine and unconditional or just a hedge bet that will pay off later when they are working the system for added leverage.
Your decision to forgive someone who has offended you is an exercise of your sanctified will. When you invite God to be a part of the soul-searching process, let him take you to the foot of the cross to consider what he had to do to free you from the curse of your own sin.With a grateful heart, make your choice to forgive others as Christ forgave you.