Let’s step back from our private battlefields for a moment to try to understand why we are not more eager to snuff out conflicts while they are still in the formative stage. The voice of our instructor is that of the apostle James, the author of a New Testament letter meant for all Christians, past and present. He had plenty of experience with conflict.
To begin, James poses a rhetorical question: “What causes fights and quarrels among you?” His answer: “Don’t [fights and quarrels] come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (James 4:1-3).
When it comes to describing what goes on in the privacy of my heart, James is spot on. I’m the problem. While I can’t read your heart, I’m guessing you’re nodding in agreement. We are capable of entertaining evil ideas and catering to selfish desires. But the case James is making goes beyond pointing out that we’re all sinners. His point is that it’s our own sin-driven wanting that actually generates our conflicts. That explains why we’re not interested in quelling a growing conflict while the tension is still building. That would mean forfeiting our agenda, which would be counterproductive. Our sinful nature prefers to remain locked on a course that pushes for having things our way.
So powerful is this selfish yearning that it holds us (and all the rest of the world) captive (Titus 3:3), leaving us vulnerable to the temptations associated with conflict. Nor will we be the last generation to have to endure this terrible curse. The swirling cyclonic whirlpool that revolves around wanting and drags us down into conflict is destined to repeat itself until the end of time (Matthew 24:6). Our children and grandchildren will have to deal with it, just as we have.
We’ve already explored the blessings a reconciliation strategy can bring to a broken relationship. We know its potential for healing an unhealthy relationship, moving bitter enemies to accept one another as equals, and restoring peace where conflict and hatred have been the norm. All major miracles! But the story gets even better. Reconciliation is so profoundly effective because the change dynamic for reconciliation is forgiveness. And forgiveness is the only power on earth able to change a human heart. That puts reconciliation at the top of the greatest miracles of all time. A change of heart is incredibly wonderful because you and I lack the resources needed to turn useless, self-centered hearts into hearts that genuinely care about others. On our own, we’re doomed to lifetimes of selfish whims, consumed by obsessive wanting, and enslaved to sinful desires. Only God has the power to change all that, making new people of us. Through the pen of his prophet Ezekiel, God promised, “I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 11:19).
This is very good news for people embroiled in conflict. Having new hearts changes everything. Our new hearts no longer obsess over my way, my needs, my stuff, my influence, my turf, my agenda, my views, my legacy. They give us a new and different way of seeing others, especially our enemies. We now care about every relationship because every relationship presents another opportunity to give of ourselves, even as Christ Jesus gave himself for us. Hearts once stone-cold dead now beat to the life-giving rhythm of God’s will, no longer slaves to the self-serving wanting that leads to conflict.
Heavenly Father, turn my heart of stone into a heart of living flesh that lives to do your will by loving others, even my enemies. Amen.