by Angie Molkentin
Mary’s roommates stared at her in amazement as they scarfed down pizza. She had just confided that she was still a virgin.
Jill slowly slipped away from her habit of attending church. No one in the dorm ever moved before noon on Sunday.
Jim enjoyed the college party scene. Alcohol relaxed him, and he was finally meeting some new people. His parents didn’t have to know how he spent his evenings.
Shocking? Frightening? Maybe. But if your son or daughter is college-bound and you want to help prepare for the campus experience, you’ll need to be aware of what your young adult might encounter.
You’re proud of your child for pursuing a college education. And you should be proud. The Lord offers wonderful opportunities for growth on a college campus. But he also presents significant challenges. People with different values and lifestyles come together on a college campus. Not all of these lifestyles correspond with Christian values.
Christian parents need to take an active role in helping their child make spiritual preparations for the move to college. The choices your son or daughter makes will occur without your daily guidance. Some of these choices will have lifelong implications. Talking about the challenges to faith that will occur will reinforce values that were established long ago.
What challenges?
What challenges will your son or daughter face on a college campus? The social challenges are similar to those in high school: substances abuse, sexual promiscuity, and a general abuse of freedoms. But now those old high school temptations will get even tougher. Your child will face peer pressure every day without the daily support and guidance of a Christian home.
Consider the individual situations of Mary, Jill, and Jim. Mary found herself surrounded by other girls who didn’t share her values. How could she explain her values to those girls? Would they label her as a prude? Would they respect her values? Mary’s Christian values put her in the minority. That made her feel uncomfortable.
Jill had always gone to church with her parents. But she wasn’t sure where to find a church near the campus. Even if there was a church nearby, Jill had no way to get there. Besides, her roommates always asked her to go out with them on Saturday nights, making it hard to get up on Sunday mornings. Jill felt guilty, but she hoped God would understand.
Jim didn’t drink in high school, but drinking seemed to be the favorite college pastime. During his first week on campus, Jim went to a party, hoping to meet new people. He discovered that a few beers relaxed him. He had more fun, and people seemed to enjoy being with him. Partying soon became Jim’s pastime.
Mary, Jill, and Jim weren’t prepared to face the challenges from peers who didn’t share their Christian values.
How can parents help?
The transition to college can be made a bit easier. Here are a few suggestions:
- Discuss faith challenges together. Make your discussion a dialogue not a sermon.
- Have your teenager’s name put on the congregation’s mailing list to receive devotions and newsletters. Ask your pastors to recommend a church near the campus.
- Check if the university has a campus ministry. Campus ministries sponsor retreats, social events, and Bible studies for college Christians.
- Encourage personal devotion time. Busy college students will find strength for the challenges by remaining in daily contact with God’s Word.
- Encourage your teen to stand up to peer pressure in the name of Christian principles. Christians can influence others simply by the way they live. Remind your college-bound youth that God doesn’t always let us see the results of our public witness, but that doesn’t mean there are no results.
- Trust your child, and trust God’s promise to be with his children. God created faith through baptism, and he will sustain it.
How do parents trust?
Parents can become annoying very quickly if they call their son or daughter every Sunday morning with a reminder about church. If children want to ignore the encouragements of parents, they will. Checking up is not the answer. Trust is the answer. The child you took to church each week is now becoming an adult, increasingly responsible for personal choices and the consequences.
As a parents, you may still ask the questions that show you care. Ask Mary how she gets along with her roommates. Ask Jim if he has gone to any college parties. Ask Jill if she found a ride to church. Asking questions can remind a student of personal responsibility for faith life in a way that doesn’t imply distrust and doesn’t nag. It simply means you care. And each gentle question can lead to an opportunity to speak a word of encouragement or give some gentle guidance.
The Holy Spirit also plays a role here. Your child’s spiritual life is always in the Lord’s hands. He will guide and challenge just enough to preserve faith. Ask for his guidance along the way.
The Lord will hear your prayers. Think of the role he has played in your children’s lives up to now—how gracious he has been. The Lord is mighty! He will get your children through the college years, too.
The most important preparations you can make before sending your young adult off to college are the spiritual ones. Their consequences are eternal. You can be proud and thankful as you watch your son or daughter develop a successful career, but it will be the most rewarding to watch your child mature as a Christian.
From Wellspring April 1995 © 1995 Northwestern Publishing House. All rights reserved.