by Dorothy M. Grivno
A parent-teacher conference isn’t just another appointment on your fall calendar. It’s a chance to sit down face-to-face with your child’s teacher without distractions. It’s an opportunity to ask questions about your child as a student, about the classroom, or about the teacher’s expectations. In the long run, making the most of parent-teacher conferences can benefit your child’s educational development. To get the most out of your conference, follow these ten tips:
1. Prepare by reading.
Read your child’s graded daily assignments, test results, and report cards. You might see a pattern in your child’s work. Daily work can help you better interpret a report card. Read newsletters, handouts, and handbooks from your child’s school and classroom. Much of this information may be posted online. This will help you understand policies or procedures or help you articulate questions about those you may not understand.
2. Ask your child questions.
Ask your child specific questions about school. Are there things your child doesn’t understand or feels are not right? Sometimes students don’t understand a procedure or rule but aren’t comfortable asking about it. Students may have a concern about how discipline issues are handled or how another student is treating them or being treated. Knowing you will be talking to the teacher can encourage your child to open up. Don’t forget to ask about the positives.
What is your child’s favorite part of the day? What are your child’s favorite activities (other than recess and lunch)?Share the positives with the teacher as well as the concerns. It’s encouraging to teachers when students appreciate their hard work and planning.
3. Realize your child may not tell you everything.
When you talk to your child, you’re getting one perspective on each day’s events. Your child’s point of view is extremely important, yet he or she may unintentionally be leaving out important details. Children can’t always see how their actions are tied to consequences. There are also times when your child might intentionally leave out part of the story. This is one reason it’s important for your child to know that you’re working with the teacher. Tell your child you’re
sorry he or she has had an unpleasant experience and that you don’t want the same thing to happen again. Then tell your child you’re going to talk with the teacher and learn more about the situation. This way you can work together to prevent it from happening again. Whether your student attends a Lutheran school or a public school, these discussions provide excellent opportunities to model and teach spiritual lessons.
4. Prepare by writing.
Make specific notes; include ideas for working together to help your child or examples of incidents that concerned you. This helps you prioritize your discussion points and make the best use of your conference. Bringing organized notes shows the teacher you’re invested in your child’s education. Most likely the teacher has noticed some of the same things and is ready to discuss them.
5. Listen to the teacher.
Don’t forget that the teacher has information for you too. It’s hard to hear that your child misbehaves at school or that your child has learning difficulties, but let the teacher explain his or her observations and evaluations. Teachers are trained to make these observations. Wait to ask questions until after the teacher has finished. There might be a simple solution to the situation. If not, the teacher can provide you with resources to address the situation. When going through your notes, listen carefully to the teacher’s responses. Based on his or her experience, a veteran teacher can help put your concerns in perspective, give you possible strategies, and share potential outcomes. If the teacher has something positive to say, don’t discount it. There may be work ahead, but it’s good to acknowledge your child’s progress.
6. Don’t get hung up on a single assignment or incident.
Trouble with a specific assignment or getting disciplined for a minor infraction might just be an isolated incident. Sometimes students have an off day, fail to pay attention, or test their boundaries. The consequences of a bad grade or classroom discipline can help children correct the behavior. Even if you haven’t heard from the teacher, don’t be afraid to ask about the incident. If it’s not part of a pattern, the teacher may feel it has been dealt with sufficiently.
7. Realize teachers have limitations.
A teacher may not be able to meet all the needs of a child with a learning difference without others noticing. A teacher can’t force students to befriend a child who has trouble keeping friends. Let your child’s teacher know your concerns, but don’t expect him or her to be able to fix everything immediately. Programs and interventions take time to implement. Many of the social dramas between students take place on the playground, at lunch, or on the bus. Though there’s supervision, the teacher can’t be there to referee every conversation.
Teachers make mistakes. A good teacher will apologize for and correct mistakes. If the teacher doesn’t want to discuss the incident, know the conflict resolution steps from your school’s handbook.
8. Focus on working together to meet your child’s needs.
You might have different educational priorities and styles than your child’s teacher. Your child’s teacher might have a difficult personality. Instead of letting irritation guide your interactions with the teacher or influence how you talk with him or her, focus on how you can make the best learning environment for your child. Show the teacher respect, especially in front of your child. If there is some way the teacher could help your child, politely ask about it. When making suggestions for changes at school, ask for ways you could help by what you do at home. This shows a willingness to work together.
9. Be willing to do more with your child at home.
Most teachers are prepared to implement interventions within the classroom to help your child succeed. However, sometimes issues can be handled by repetition and reinforcement at home. By reviewing assignments with their children, parents show they value their children’s efforts and education. If your child is struggling in school or if your child isn’t challenged by daily assignments, the teacher may offer ideas to try at home. See which of these ideas work for your child and your family. You may not be able to implement them all, but decide what priorities and educational goals you have for your child.
10. Follow up.
After your conference, follow up with the teacher in the next two weeks. Thank the teacher for taking time to hear your concerns, especially if he or she has already addressed them in the classroom. If it seems nothing has changed, perhaps she has passed along your concerns to the appropriate parties and is waiting for a response. It’s also possible that your concerns have fallen through the cracks. In your communication, ask if you can do anything to help speed resolution.
Share the results you have seen in your child and what changes you have made at home. If you haven’t been able to initiate the changes you discussed, be honest. Let the teacher know your plans to assist your child. This information helps the teacher plan future interventions and strategies for your child.
From preparation to results: Preparation is worth your time and leads to a more successful parent-teacher conference. A successful conference can foster a good relationship between you and your child ’s teacher as you work together to help your child have the best possible learning experience.
From Parents Crosslink Autumn 2013 © 2013 Northwestern Publishing House. All rights reserved.